WWE No Mercy 2017
September 24 2017
We’re in Los Angeles, California. Hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Booker T.
WWE Intercontinental Championship
The Miz (c) vs. Jason Jordan
Watching the tape of Jordan getting this title shot reveals the total apathy that he is continually met by. Why would you break up American Alpha?
This run has been a disaster and Jordan needs to turn heel. Don’t persist with him, have him target Kurt Angle. Slap him in the Anklelock. “Do you love me now Daddy?” Kurt giving him disapproving looks like Cassidy and Denis. If that’s perplexing it’s nothing on Bo Dallas and his wanking glove/lazy Michael Jackson Halloween costume. What are you doing mate? If you need further evidence that Jordan is not over, at all, the crowd rabidly cheer Miz for kicking his ass. The match has a few gaping holes in it. Like Miz getting thrown back in, only Jordan doesn’t do it. He barely pats Miz on the back. As the match continues Miz almost deliberately does babyface stuff, like Dan Bryan’s kicks, and that just puts Jordan further in the hole. This involves him getting the “you suck” chants as he runs through an array of suplexes. He is like his “Daddy”! Why doesn’t he just grab the mic and say “you don’t boo the son of an Olympic gold medallist”. Total throwback to 1999. Brand new awesome heel IC champion because Jordan is a great wrestler. He just isn’t a good babyface without that Chad Gable sympathy. The Miztourage involve themselves and Jordan loses to the numbers game. This is how heels win; to rapturous applause. Jason’s post match interview is as vanilla as his personality. The crowd just booed you out of the building, go after them! I get that he’s been told to be a good little hand-slapper but jesus fucking Christ. If you’re getting booed then act like a heel.
Final Rating: **3/4
Bray Wyatt vs. Finn Balor
The best part of this match is the entrances. But then that is true about all Bray Wyatt matches.
Finn doesn’t even bother bringing the demon. We officially don’t give a shit about this program. Bray jumps Finn during the introductions and busts up his ribs. Balor then walks off “like a coward”. Why would he do that? He finished a match with a dislocated shoulder. That makes no sense. Maybe he’s super fragile when he’s wearing that grey ring gear. Without all the makeup he does look completely unimportant. The crowd don’t care and even cheer Bray Wyatt. Finn does a decent job of selling the ribs but he acts like a complete idiot. At one point freezing on the top rope because Bray does the Spiderwalk business. Just double stomp him you moron! Why are you shocked at something Wyatt does in every single match? Bray can be useful as a wrestler. He’s got that persona down and he hits really hard. His lariat in this is a beauty. But he spends so much of his time doing nothing of interest. Just as I’m getting into the concept of Finn overcoming stern moves he hits a couple of dropkicks and finishes with Coup de Grace. Hmm. Most of this was bad, especially the psychology, which never made any sense. There’s no way Finn should have won here.
Final Rating: **1/4
Video Control gives us some clips of Asuka who’s debuting at TLC. I would put cash on her winning the title on her debut.
WWE RAW Tag Team Championships
Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose (c) vs. The Bar
I love how Cesaro and Sheamus are mates now, after Cesaro turned into a total dick. The Bar make the usual dull heat segment quite interesting. Mainly because Cesaro swings Dean right into the ring steps. Cesaro gets his face messed up, courtesy of sloppy old Seth and a brutal bump into the turnbuckles. Cesaro, minus front teeth, gets angry about this situation and flat out fucks up Rollins with an uppercut. Cesaro bleeds all over the damn place, which is what happens when you lose your teeth in a shoot. The match is pretty good, due to The Bar being such a cohesive unit.
Plus the blood adds to the match, with The Bar getting angrier about the situation as the match continues. If Dean Ambrose didn’t do that shitty rebound lariat it’d be all good. The crowd gets popped huge when Cesaro superbombs Rollins onto Ambrose and it’s not the finish! Dean does the Kenny Omega, collapsing to avoid finisher, spot. The Bar miscue and Ambrose picks up the fluke win with his Dirty Deeds DDT. This was all kinds of great from the point where Cesaro shattered his front teeth on the buckles.
Final Rating: ****
RAW Women’s Championship
Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Bayley vs. Emma vs. Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks
Everyone hates Alexa so this might be her final match as champion. However the spectre of Asuka is looming. Whoever wins here has to deal with the Empress of Tomorrow. The actual match wreaks of ‘lets throw five women out there so nobody notices we only have one women’s match on every show’. Logically Nia should win here because she’s dominated the storylines coming in.
The crowd pop Alexa, Nia and Emma. The heels. Americans have turned into right bastards. I blame Trump. There are too many people involved here, which fucks with the selling. Fortunately they base the match around Nia’s power. So everyone has to target her. Which leads to her stacking Alexa and Sasha for a double Samoan Drop. It’s pretty awesome. Alexa has some tremendous facial reactions. Her angry face is amazing. Nia takes a sickening powerbomb off the apron, landing heavily on her neck. That allows the others to interact without the possibility of being overwhelmed by Nia. There’s an interesting twist where Bayley and Sasha keep breaking up each others falls. Both can claim to have won if it wasn’t for their ‘best friend’. Nia returns, like an unkillable monster at the end of a horror movie, but Alexa dodges her and drops Bayley with the DDT to retain. This was fun. Nia looked tremendous as the beast. The Sasha-Bayley story interests me but Nia as a character has come along nicely. So has Alexa as champion.
Final Rating: ***1/4
John Cena vs. Roman Reigns
I am totally fired up for this because it’s the two guys that the crowd really get into regardless of opponent. Cena has slayed Roman on the promos leading up to this. They’ve got no history and their paths have no crossed at all. Which is weird and possibly intentional. I figured they were building toward WrestleMania some day but here we are at No Mercy and it’s not even the main event. I expect shenanigans.
Big Match John is hunting down his 94th PPV victory, which would tie him with the Undertaker for the most in WWE history. Cena gets one of his most positive reactions in years, given that the crowd hates Roman so much.
The awful LA crowd don’t pick a side and instead chant “you both suck”. Oh no, they’ve wasted this awesome match-up on this fucking terrible crowd. This is what you get for running in a sewer like Los Angeles. The dickheads with the ringside cameras have a shocker too; zooming in and out on stomps like it’s a Bourne movie. Just hold the camera still, nobody gives a shit about your creative zooms. Stop ruining wrestling. Speaking of ruining wrestling – imagine being in LA, watching Cena vs. Reigns and chanting for CM Punk? Urgh. Just fuck off. Get in the Pacific Ocean and sink. Given the crowd’s awfulness Roman hooks a chinlock. Yes mate! Give them nothing! They deserve nothing! The crowd eventually stop sucking and route for Cena. The match creeps along, struggling to find a rhythm with both guys unfamiliar with each others work. They do some under dramatic kick-outs until Roman survives a Super AA, which is pretty cool. The twinkle in Cena’s eye before rearranging the announce desks is great too.
Roman landing on his head attempting a spear from one announce table to the other was pretty sickening. It’s cripple a Samoan night! While this match started off badly they find their feet big time with the false finishes and the crowd start actually popping stuff. Roman nails Cena with a spear for the win after kicking out of multiple AA’s. The idea being that Roman gets more heat now and the torch is being passed. I would like a re-match in a less bad city. Cena promptly ruins the moment by being classy and putting Roman over by raising his hand. Just be a sore loser John! Just once. Just make an exception for Reigns to get some heat on this thing. Do all you bastards hate money or something?
Final Rating: ***1/2
WWE Cruiserweight Championship
Neville (c) vs. Enzo Amore
Enzo is the worst cruiserweight in the promotion. Bar none. He doesn’t deserve to be in this match and it’s proof that being able to talk is a massive bonus for WWE wrestlers.
This is a total squash because Enzo doesn’t have any offensive moves. He never bothered with them because he was the guy heels got heat on before he hot tagged out of there. How does that translate to singles? Badly. He gets beaten up. Ad nauseum. Neville sums this up by shouting “no one cares” at Enzo trying to fire up. Crowd chant “this is boring” because Enzo contributes nothing. Enzo, the little troll, grabs the belt and punts Neville in the balls and wins the (hopefully now defunct) cruiserweight belt. Shit match. Shit booking. Shit wrestler. Shit champion.
Final Rating: DUD
WWE Universal Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Braun Strowman
Brock Lesnar is a monster. That’s what he’s always been billed as. The indestructible wrestling machine. The guy who went to UFC and creamed everyone there too. Unbeatable. Invincible. They kept this going for years and kinda ruined the effect by having Goldberg beat him. However the booking of Braun has been exceptional. Now this is a big match and a big match environment. This is demonstrated by Braun no selling a suplex from the get-go and firing back with his finisher inside two minutes. Recently there’s been a push for Big Lads wrestling. This is the Biggest Lads wrestling. Brock makes a point of selling huge for Braun. He didn’t struggle to get Big Show up for moves but he struggles with Big Braun. Braun Strowman has a freakishly big chest. He’s just so huge that Brock finds it near impossible to manhandle him. Brock opts instead for working the arm and giving Braun something to think about. This leads to delightful suplexes by the bucketful and powerslams in retort. The match feels like it’s building to a big spot but finishes abruptly with an F5 out of nowhere. Huh. How about that.
Final Rating: **1/2
The tag title match was a pleasant surprise but both of the dream matches came up disappointingly short. Especially the main event, which wasn’t a patch on Summerslam’s four-way awesomeness.