WrestlePro vs. CZW
April 6 2019
We’re in New Jersey at the Rahway. I watched the WrestlePro show from just before the weekend started and it was downright horrible. But here were are because I promised I’d watch everything. My order has gone out of the window right now because I’m down to 10 shows left and I’m just going to plough through them.
This looks boring so I took a tactical nap before it.
Johhny Silver vs. Matt Macintosh
The spelling of “Johhny” is off the onscreen graphic. I assume it’s a mistake.
Credit to these two, despite a sluggish start, they have a decent match. The slide under the ropes German suplex shows up. They pick up down the stretch too and throw in some near falls. Macintosh gets the win. This was good. It might be the best match on the show. (SPOILER: it is)
Final Rating: ***
Christopher Avery Queling vs. Shawn Donavan vs. Bull James
You know that big guys run into each other stuff that they do in Big Japan? This is like that only without the effort. Actually this is more like 1988 WWF and guys stomping on the mat to make noise on punches. Queling stinks. Bull James is dire. The fact he’s out here on one show when he lives in New York and fifty promotions ran shows speaks volumes. Either he charges too much or everyone thinks he’s shit. Queling beats Donavan after Shawn stops off to cut a promo. This was awful. Glad everyone got back on brand after the good start.
Final Rating: ½*
JXT vs. Bobby Wayward vs. KC Navarro vs. Bear Bronson vs. Julio Cruz vs. Vargas vs. Buster Jackson
I’m pretty sure Vargas is one of the Companions from Whiterun (if you know, you know). So you shouldn’t trust him, he’s a werewolf. You’d think this would be a mix of guys but there’s one CZW wrestler (Navarro), one Australian independent (JXT) and the rest are locals. There are a lot of spotfest scramble matches this weekend (thanks Joey Janela) of varying quality. This comes and goes. Bear Bronson is the main perpetrator both ways. When the match is bad it’s on him. When it gets good it’s because he does something cool. Navarro looks like the most interesting guy. He takes a few crazy bumps. Vargas ends up winning but that’s totally unfair because he’s a werewolf.
Final Rating: **
WSU Spirit Championship
Kris Stadtlander (c) vs. Leyla Hirsch
Kris is having a good weekend in terms of exposure. She’s positioned herself as one of the top indie talents and when she shows up it feels important.
There’s a huge height difference here. Stadtlander must be the best part of a foot higher. Hirsch is a CZW wrestler. She’s technically very solid and good at strikes and holds. Low centre of gravity baby! Stadtlander, who’s looked good elsewhere, looks ungainly and weird by comparison. Hirsch can’t compete with Kris’ size and eats the Big Bang Theory for the pin. I came away impressed with Hirsch.
Final Rating: **3/4
The REP vs. Team Espana
Espana are Jos A and Jos B. We kick off with a dance off before the REP work heat for quite some time. They botch a finish with the ref counting three when one of the Joses kick out. If you’re reading this Maffew the timestamp is bang on 60 mins. My favourite part of this match is one of the Jose’s yelling “Espana” moments before being backdropped legs first on the ring steps. The country of Spain salutes you for your sacrifice sir. Flimflam puts Jos A away and that’s the actual finish ref!
Final Rating: **1/4
CZW Wired Championship
Jordan Oliver (c) vs. Gary Jay vs. Jaxon Stone vs. Mr Iguana
Iguana is Mexican. He’s the most fancy reptile in wrestling. “This guys a frickin weirdo”. More graphic issues here with stone having a small S. Oliver has an entourage and he’s a weird kid with shorts and a bandana.
Speaking of weird Mr Iguana is odd. Jaxon Stone, who I know from wXw, is out here working with no gimmick at all. What happened to Lights, Camera, Jaxon? His new thing is “Jaxon Stone Everybody”, which he yells periodically. Mr Iguana is fascinating to me. Nothing he does makes any sense and then he walks right into a Spanish Fly off Oliver and that’s the match. Not enough Gary Jay here. I wanted to see him put a beating on this cocky champ.
Final Rating: **3/4
Craig Steele vs. Matt Tremont
Steele has a t-shirt gun that he fills with dollar bills. He fires this at Tremont provoking the call of “he took the money shot, right in the face”. Well, he’s not wrong. Craig Steele does crack me up by picking up a table from merch and just throwing it at Tremont. A whole fucking table. A pitches the damn thing. They have a brawl around the building and I get a little tour. It looks like a really boring venue.
Steele uses a fork to stab a dollar bill into Matt’s head. Death match wrestling has certainly gained a lot of love in recent times but this is one of those throwback matches to why nobody liked it. It’s two fat guys bleeding until one of them can’t get up. Steele came across as a powerhouse at times but this went way too long and was disgusting for the sake of it.
Final Rating: *1/2
“Mr WrestleMania…Weekend” Anthony Greene vs. Fallah Bahh
Greene just won an EVOLVE contract so he’s happy. He has two ring honeys that assist him. They’re dressed as Baywatch extras. Greene himself is “retrosexual” and dressed in 80s attire or a close approximation thereof.
The ladies go to kiss Greene better after he’s hit in the nuts and Fallah requests the same for his injured ass. The Platinum Honeys (Honeys? Bunnies?) can’t hold Bahh in place and he collapses on poor Retro AG. There are sexy antics occurring. Fallah flattens everyone.
There’s some solidly sexy comedy here. Although it requires a lot of stop/start and at least one spot – the honey cutter, is unspeakably stupid. It is a comedy match though. Fallah finishes with the Bonzai Drop. I had a nice time watching this. Greene gives one of the girls to Fallah as a share of the victory purse. Um. That’s not cool.
Final Rating: **1/4
Antony Bowens vs. DJ Hyde
I’m not certain how Bowens spells his name but I thought it was Anthony. The graphic says “Antony”. If it is wrong then that’s three mistakes on the graphics tonight. Imagine going to a show over Mania weekend and the semi-main event is DJ Hyde? Bowens works around him here. Hitting and moving while Hyde “sells”. His staggering around googly eyed is some of the laziest selling in the business. The match ends with House of Glory running in to attack Hyde as a receipt for the attack on HOG at their show. Or vice versa? Anyway, this was boring as hell and DJ Hyde sucks.
Final Rating: DUD
CZW World Championship
Mance Warner (c) vs. Dan Maff
Since the opener this is the best chance anything has of being legitimately good. The trouble is; there’s still 20+ minutes left on the show so instead of going balls out they plod through this. That is until Maff gets a bit miffed about being attacked with the ring hammer and wears Warner out with a kendo stick. The trouble with this is any time they try this hardcore style it’s done at quarter speed because neither guy wants to get hurt. Which is fine, work safe by all means, but it’s not fun to watch. When you’re the main event, even on a bad show, there’s a certain level of expectation attached. You should raise your game and show up everyone that came before you.
That said they do go after some shoot headbutts and Maff gets opened up hardway. That sounds like it’s part of a crazy match right? One of ringside camera girls gets knocked down by their carelessness and comms say “she’s had worse in the face than that”. Jesus fucking Christ. The slow motion wrestling continues with a Russian legsweep on the floor. Why even attempt any of this? None of it looks good. At least when they head back inside and duke it out the crowd get into it a bit but the match is way too long. They shoot for epic here as well and I start getting angry with the kick outs. Just fucking go home. I’m knocking stars off the rating because I’m sick of this show. Finally Maff eats a knee and stays down and I don’t have to watch this boring fucking show anymore.
Final Rating: *
Somebody definitely owes me a beer.