For the first time in their history, Impact Wrestling are running a Wrestlemania Weekend show like everyone else does. This is a cool concept as it’s Impact Wrestling Vs Lucha Underground, I haven’t watched either of these companies regularly for a while so lets see how it goes.
Commentary is Josh Matthews and Matt Striker, is it too late to back out of watching this?
McKenzie Mitchell and Melissa Santos are out to hype up the crowd and fill time.
Chavo Guerrero Jr vs. Matanza vs. Jack Evans vs. Moose vs. Caleb Konley vs. Matt Sydal
This is a get everyone on the card scramble. Matanza is of course Jeff Cobb under a welder mask. Moose is wearing a jacket that says Mr Impact. Moose has had a really weird career, he was touted as a can’t miss star in Ring of Honor having matches against guys like Okada, but then he went to TNA and is now a bit of a punchline. Through Impact he’s had matches with some super weird people including Joe Doering and teaming with Yuji Okabayashi. Jack Evans lost a hair vs hair match in Mexico and so is bald. This was a super quick spot fest with some cool dives, nothing that I’ll remember tomorrow but a fun opener regardless. Matanza pins Caleb Konley ** ¾
After the match Chavo Guerrero announces that Lucha Underground Season 4 will start June 13 and we get a quick trailer for it. We also get a promo for Austin Aries vs. Alberto El Patron at the next Impact PPV.
Allie (c) vs. Taya Valkyrie (Impact Knockouts Championship)
Allie is the former Cherry Bomb and from all accounts has been a real highlight of Impact these days. I don’t really like either of these women as westlers, but I have to admit Allie plays a pretty good underdog babyface in the match. She’s also very good at acting like someone that isn’t a trained wrestler. Match was fine, I guess. Allie pins Taya ** ¼
oVe (Jake and Dave Crist) vs. Scott Steiner and Teddy Hart
THIS IS MORE FUCKING LIKE IT. Scott Steiner is wearing an now Wolfpac, I wonder if that means Teddy Hart is in the Wolfpac. Also, do Sting or Kevin Nash have to agree to that? I have so many questions, but before any can be answered Teddy does a springboard moonsault onto oVe who seem completely unprepaired for it. Teddy does some dumb looking moves while Striker talks about how Teddy wants to kill someone. He probably already has Matt. Steiner gets tagged in, but doesn’t, and just kind of wanders in and out. I listened to Teddy Hart on Jericho’s podcast this week where he casually drops that he thinks Eddie Guerrero was actually poisoned. Striker says that Jake Crist is “shooting” on Teddy and then tries to explain what that means in kayfabe, while Josh talks about how the crowd are silent and that’s oVe’s fault. I can’t believe I have to watch this. Steiner gets the hot tag and submits Jake Crist, kills the referee. This is a match that’s funny to think about but please don’t waste your time watching it. Steiner submits Jake Crist *
Aerostar, Drago, and King Cuerno vs. Andrew Everett, Dezmond Xavier, and DJ Z
This is the match I was most excited about when the card was put out. I honestly think DJ Z is one of the absolute best in the world and a strong performance here could really up his stock. Cuerno starts bleeding from one of his nipples, which Striker thinks was because of a chop and Matthews immediately calls a stupid theory. This show is fascinating. These guys had a very good, action packed spotfest, a much better version of the disappointing six man from the WWN Supershow prior to this. Cuerno was the star of this and I felt he really held things together, everything he did had value and even the tiny little things were great. This guy is a star. Cuerno submits Everett *** ½
Trevor Lee vs. Marty the Moth (w/Famous B)
This was supposed to be Lee/B but B says he got Marty to represent him instead. Marty isn’t very good, but he does some good character work. As I write that he puts Lee in a headlock while Matt Striker does a Russian accent for NO REASON SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE. Marty misses a moonsault and gets rolled up. Trevor Lee pins Marty **
LAX (Ortiz and Santana)(c) vs. Killshot and The Mack (Impact Wrestling Tag Team Championship)
Hey, maybe this won’t suck? Killshot is one Shane Strickland and The Mack is Willie Mack. We start with some fast paced action between Killshot and Ortiz, and then The Mack comes in and you can hear Josh slowly fall in love with him. LAX are one of the best tag teams in the world and don’t get enough buzz, they have some of the coolest, most innovative offence around while still making everything seem like it hurts. Killshot and Mack also work really well together considering they aren’t really a regular team as far as I know. Awesome little action packed tag match and the saving grace of a pretty bad show so far. LAX Retain *** ¾
Brian Cage vs. Eli Drake
Drake is someone that was getting a really big push in Impact last year until the new regime came in and slowed that down. He cuts a promo on Cage before the match since he works for both companies. He also dunks on Lucha Underground for not having a taping in two years. Eli Drake is good. Sadly he is pretty bland in the ring and this match was a total snoozefest for the most part as he was in control. Cage pins Drake * ½
Jerimiah Crane vs. Eddie Edwards (I Quit)
Crane is Sami Callihan. Sami is a piece of shit and I refuse to write about his matches. Please consider donating to RAINN (https://donate.rainn.org/)
Pentagon Dark vs. Fenix vs. Austin Aries
So this is interesting. This was supposed to be a tag match but Alberto El Patron, who is for sure in New Orleans and has been advertised as main eventing the next PPV all night, no showed. I know, I am also shocked that Alberto would be unprofessional. The crowd is more into this match, and Pentagon specifically, than anything else on this show so far. The crowd starts a strong Fuck Del Rio chant and commentary tries to talk around the fact that he’s not here. Unsurprisingly these guys have really good chemistry and have a pretty good match. Fenix and Pentagon instinctively work together and then remember this isn’t a tag match and go after each other. Sadly things ended pretty quickly after that, just as this was starting to get really good. Pentagon pins Fenix *** 1/4
This was basically a house show, there was some really bad stuff and one or two good matches. I wouldn’t go out of my way to watch much on this show besides the six way, LAX tag and maybe the main but not during Wrestlemania weekend when there’s a hell of a lot more good stuff to watch.