House of Glory Culture Clash 19 (4.6.19) review

House of Glory Culture Clash 19 (4.6.19) review

House of Glory – Culture Clash 19

 

April 6 2019

 

HOG is the promotion that Amazing Red set up when he was winding down from his career. He was originally scheduled to be on this show but decided he couldn’t give it his all and retired. This is at the NYC Arena in Jamaica, NY.

 

Casket Match

Leroy Green vs. Smiley

Leroy is 22 years old and a HOG original. Smiley is a lot older and an evil masked man. I’ve seen him before but I can’t remember where. Smiley gets all fired up and uses a kendo stick. The feed is a bit wobbly so I can’t really tell if the match is good.

Oh shit, it’s pretty good! Green lives up to his name, unfortunately, and when he’s on offence the match isn’t as good. He’s really not ready to take the kind of spots Smiley wants to do.

The turnbuckle brainbuster scares the hell out of me and he doesn’t even attempt to finish the match after that. This is basic wrestling mate. If you do something brutal at least make people think it might be the end. Otherwise they’ll be expecting someone to die. After this Green gets powerbombed out of the ring onto the ramp. Then there’s a spear off the ramp through two tables. Then they go into the angle bit with Green pulling off Smiley’s mask and giving him an old babyface mask. Then he just shoves him into the casket. Hahaha. Fuck’s sake. This is one of the outright dumbest matches of the weekend. I’m incredibly proud of the low level shindies for stuff like this.

Final Rating: **

 

Fan: “shut up Shapiro” (commentator)

Shapiro: “I’m gonna set you on fire!”

 

HOG Championship

Anthony Gangone (c) vs. Robbie Eagles

Gangone is an asshole. From a character perspective, naturally. So he works heat and I could probably live without it. It’s a very competent match, so it’s a significant step up from the opener, and yet it’s a drag. Eagles kicks it up a notch by killing all of Gangone’s entourage with a tope.

HOG1Eagles

Eagles has been getting more exposure over the past year. He showcases the skills he’s been crafting down under. Business certainly picks up after Eagles mounts a comeback because Gangone’s second control period is him attempting to kill Eagles off with big moves. Eagles does a great job of working the leg and the 450 right onto the knee is fucking great. He taps out but the stooges distract the ref. Damn it. They do a dumb run-in spot behind the ref’s back and Gangone retains. This was dumb too. I’m sensing a trend. Robbie Eagles deserved better.

HOG1Gangone

Final Rating: **1/4

 

“I’m gonna break character right now” – Gangone. Jesus Christ. Then he carries on with the same fucking promo. It goes on with a weird brawl with a load of masked men, which Gangone and his cronies win right after Gangone ran down all his cohorts. What the fuck is happening? Another masked guy comes out, starts no selling and clears out all the heels. Or at least after fighting his way out of his jacket. Oh, it’s Smiley in a new mask. This whole segment was unspeakably dumb. What would worry me is they probably thought it was really cool.

 

Juba vs. Evander James vs. Brian Burgundy vs. Big Daddy Cruz vs. KAI vs. Matt Travis

This is funny because KAI got dumped in the scramble match with all the scrubs.

HOG1KAI

The match is quite bad unless KAI is in there and he looks so confused at having to work slowly around mediocre nobodies like Brian Burgundy. It looks like he’s training them. Or trying to. Credit to Burgundy, he does do some flips and his tandem SSP to the floor with Travis is good stuff. And then Burgundy does a backflip and lands on his own head. It’s in mid-sequence so he can’t even sell it. I’ve seen a fair few scrambles this weekend and this is easily the worst. Almost nothing lands. They keep botching. Travis steals the pin. This was total shit. I feel so bad for KAI. Yeah, I actually feel bad for KAI. That’s how dreadful this was.

Final Rating: ½*

 

Post Match: CZW run in to attack everyone. Which means I have to listen to a DJ Hyde promo and his attempts to convince me that the company is dead on its feet. CZW vs HOG has a strong chance of being an all-time awful feud so if you’re interested in that kind of thing go for it. Ken Broadway ends up calling out Fenix because he was supposed to wrestle Red and he’s retired.

 

Low-Ki & LAX vs. Great Muta, Pentagon Jr & Taijii

What on earth is this line up?

HOG1Ki

If I was Muta and I was selecting a show to be on it probably wouldn’t have been this one, I’m not gonna lie to you. Also the sheer sass from HOG at putting him on fourth. Unless this was the same night he appeared on New Japan. I honestly have no idea anymore. The days have blurred together. I’m hoping this is good but I’d also be quite happy with Muta just smashing Low Ki with the Shining Wizard because surely he won’t refuse to job to Muta? Luckily there are some real workhorses in there too. So Penta vs. Ortiz is pretty great. Muta vs. Ki actually feels like a big deal and I suddenly realise, as they hook up, that I’m rivetted to the screen. The pacing, to put it politely, varies depending on who’s in the ring. Basically there are Penta segments at normal pace and the rest is…more methodical. At one point Penta eats heat for ages and the match is painful. His ‘hot tag’ is all fucked up because Penta is hanging around waiting for someone to come after him and it never happens. The match picks up with the RED MIST. “They could be blind” screams comms. Well, they’re not wrong. Devastating mist. Ki comes off the top and eats Green Mist from Muta, which I have to tell you is pretty hilariously sold and the Shining Wizard finishes. Ki took a pin! That’s the second one this year. Is he feeling alright?

HOG1tamuta

I’m guessing not because they play samba music and dance out of here despite losing.

HOG1Puerto

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

HOG Crown Jewel Championship

Mantequilla (c) vs. Kikutaro

This could be worse, the champion before Mantequilla was Sami Callihan. Kikutaro is one of my favourite comedy wrestlers of all time but he’s getting up there in ageand any attempt to do serious work falls flat. Clearly nobody is interested in what he’s going for here. The various time wasting stuff doesn’t go over at all so we get the Oil Check.

HOG1Kiku

Then Kikutaro passes out face down and Mantequilla can’t roll him over. A long comedy match where the comedy doesn’t land is not what the doctor ordered. It’s very weird too because it’s like they abandon the comedy, because it’s not working, and go into a bland straight up match instead. Then it’s back into comedy with the low blows bit and the confused crowd think it’s actual cheating and boo it. Mantequilla hits a sloppy spinning shotei and we’re done. This was a tonal disaster. I have no idea what they were thinking.

Final Rating: *

 

Promo Time: Rob Black

He introduces their new women’s champion Bobbi Tyler. Why is Rob Black still working anywhere in 2019? Fucking wrestling.

HOG1Bobbi

Sonya Strong is mad about Tyler winning the belt. She’s coming to England to get it back.

 

Sonya Strong & Violette vs. Kris Stadtlander & Nikki Addams

Kris is having a good weekend. She’s improved a lot over the past year and her spots reflect that. Strong is decent. The other two I don’t really know. Addams is local and has been a long time. The North-East scene isn’t bad or anything but if you don’t escape it there’s usually a reason. They do some dumb stuff in, like the partner DDT’s partner spot, but it’s still better than the dumb stuff at the top of the show. I even start to think it’s a good match and then they botch a dragon suplex. Bobbi Tyler strolls back out to distract Sonya and she walks into a spot. Stadtlander kills her with an Axe Kick and we can move on with our lives. Unless you watch IPW:UK. In which case I don’t know what to say to you.

 

There are other options? You only drew 15 people?

Final Rating: **

 

Juicy Product vs. Private Party

Remember when JT Dunn was going to be a star and people found out he was only over because he was teaming with Starr and Hero and people like that? Oh wait, that match isn’t happening now! HAHAHA. Fantastic goof.

 

Rey Fenix vs. Ken Broadway

Broadway is…somewhat below Fenix’s ability level. I was very excited to see Fenix vs. Red so this is a crushing disappointment. I get HOG wanting to put on their guys in the big spots. Especially as the Muta match involved a load of big names. The trouble with this match is that Broadway doesn’t look ready for it. He’s a 6 year pro and he’s not bad. I’ve seen far worse wrestlers (on this show even) but if you’re in there with a world-class guy like Fenix you’d better bring everything.

HOG1Fenix

A case in point is that Fenix hits a fucking tope con giro and smashes into the guardrail. He really doesn’t have to do that but he’s a world class guy so you’re getting a world class dive. I get about ten minutes in and hope that Broadway’s gimmick isn’t that he does sixty minute draws. Imagine that? Just doing a bunch of rest holds. Sit in a chinlock for 35 minutes arguing with smart marks? Fenix is so great here. He does the springboards. He walks the top rope, hands free. The finish though. Let me talk you through it. There’s not much happening; Fenix hits a Canadian Destroyer out of nowhere, which is not well taken. Broadway completely no sells and kicks Fenix in the chest for the pin. Fenix, wonderful human being that he is, offers a smile and a handshake and gets out of there like a true pro.

Final Rating: **3/4

 

Juicy Product vs. Private Party (Isiah Kassidy & Marq Quen)

HOG1Juicy

Apparently this is “one night only” reunion for Juicy Product. Private Party are HOG guys whereas Juicy Product are international stars. Logically there’s only one winner but hey, they just jobbed Fenix so who knows. Out of nowhere we get Rick Rolled. What the hell is happening? Juicy Product attack and the music stops. Starr gets mad. It plays again.

This goes on for some time. It is some kind of performance art. The conclusion being Dunn laying a kiss on Starr and him dropkicking one of Private Party of the apron. I’m not used to seeing Starr do stuff like this because it’s all his Juicy Product shtick and he’s not done most of it in a while. I don’t remember the last time he did the “Look at it” groin to the face spot. While Juicy Product are entertaining to watch they’re only as good as their dance partners, which is why the match is at its best when they’re in charge. When Private Party attempt things it starts to go wrong. There’s a flying DDT spot in this that is not good. Starr tries to get everything organised but it’s an uphill battle. I’m particularly irritated by Private Party doing a load of thigh slapping. The crowd end up doing a “this is awesome” chant, which shows you how low the bar was on this show. Starr gets pissed off and starting working his ass off. I will get this match over three fucking stars, goddamn it. HOG, rather predictably, put their guys over. This was dragged, kicking and screaming, up to passable by Starr and Dunn.

Final Rating: ***

 

Summary:

The biggest waste of talent all weekend. Frankly staggering misuse of the likes of Starr, Fenix, Eagles and KAI. How can you book that level of talent and do nothing with it.

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