GCW Presents Orange Cassidy is Doing Something or Whatever, Who Knows?
April 6 2019
We’re at White Eagle Hall in Jersey City. This was supposed to be Nova Pro’s slot but they went out of business. GCW stepped in and promptly sold this show out.
Orange Cassidy hasn’t hired a ring announcer so he gets a guy from the bar to do it. An actual fan gets in the ring. Then the “announcer”. “I need to give you the matches”.
Swamp Monster Lumberjack Match
Allie Kat vs. Shotzi Blackheart vs. Kris Stadtlander vs. Saraya Knight
We have actual swamp monsters as lumberjacks. “It just got really moist in here”. Allie Kat comes out to “Cat Scratch Fever”.
Saraya kicks us off, literally, by punting all three women square in the babymaker. The swamp monsters are not terribly effective as lumberjacks but they do catch people getting thrown out of the ring. They gang up on Saraya and is anyone else getting flashbacks to the Osbournes? Anyway, Saraya gets gang pinned. She stops off to slap a few swamp monsters on her way to the back. Shotzi dumps Kris.
This isn’t technically great or anything but it’s fun and daft and an easy watch. Plus I love Shotzi. Allie Kat, *cat noises*, beats her here and we’re underway. Allie Kat is “undisputed queen of the swamp”.
Final Rating: **1/2
Best 7 Out of 13 Falls
Logan Easton LaRoux vs. Chris Brookes
Brookes kicks Logan in the balls. 1-0 LaRoux. Then Lykos kicks in the balls 2-0. Brookes gets an Octopus submission. 2-1. Brookes pulls out a pin. 2-2. Logan reverses it. Back again. And again. And again. It’s a near falls with actual falls. What’s the score? It’s 6-6. Bryce getting masked and counting along with the fans when he has no idea what he’s counting is amazing. Brookes does a majestic job of selling a phantom nut shot before Bryce decides he’s not actually hurt and then he rolls LaRoux up for the pin. I fucking loved this match.
Final Rating: ****
Scramble for a £16 Gift Certificate for Friendlys
Sonny DeFarge vs. Tony Deppen vs. Jigsaw vs. Jake Atlas vs. Dan Champion vs. Lucky 13 vs. Air Wolf
Tony Deppen stops off pre-match to mock the no legger wrestler he beat yesterday. Kind of a dick move. There’s a lot to process here. Occasionally someone dies on an needless apron spot. I’m here for it. Dan Champion chokeslams a bunch of dudes. Nobody likes him. They do a bunch of dives. Deppen’s tope is insane. They do a bunch of crazy near falls. I’ve seen a few scrambles this weekend but this is easily the best.
Jig & Tonic beats DeFarge. This was constant action. The ringside seats were barely safe. Wonderful match.
Final Rating: ****
It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere Drunken Death Match
Nate Webb vs. Martina
This was the greatest entrance of all time. Bryce Remsberg continuing to be a massive asset to any show he’s on. Martina, punch drunk, chasing Bryce around the ring ahead of chugging of beer is terrific. I am having a lovely time here. There’s a lot of drunkenness and Martina runs through her shtick. I feel like this peaked before the match started but it switches gears.
There’s the Necro sit down punch up. There’s a Sharpshooter chug. There’s a middle of superplex chug. They run into a double clothesline and both get pinned.
Final Rating: ***1/2
We’ve not even started and MJF is taking this way too seriously. Team captains are Veda Scott and Faye Jackson. Veda’s first round pick is Shazza McKenzie. Faye’s first round pick is Yuta. MJF is getting very sour about all this. Veda picks Jeff Cannonball. This goes on with nobody wanting MJF.
MJF goes undrafted. This turns into a match because MJF takes the dodgeballs and goes home LIKE STEVE AUSTIN IN 2002.
Let’s settle this the old fashioned way, first guy to die loses!
Jeff Cannonball cracks me up by screaming “I want to die” when placed in a submission hold. All of the red team tap out. Blue Team wins the Dodgeball!
Final Rating: ****
Teddy Hart is reading a book about cats, discussing his jail time.
— Arn (@ArnoldFurious) April 6, 2019
Teddy cuts a huge shoot here, from the heart. His promo is all over the place. I can’t even begin to summarise it.
“I can’t read. It took me all night to memorise that”.
Jonathan Gresham vs. Shinjiro Otani
This could be match of the weekend. Gresham is a natural mat wrestler. Otani is one of the toughest motherfuckers who ever lived. Gresham plays my favourite version of his character too. The cocky little shit who tries to bite off more than he can chew.
Otani takes exception to his antics and smashes him with the Spiralbomb.
Final Rating: ***3/4
One Minute Time Limit
Chuck Taylor vs. Trent?
They spend so long locking up the match finishes. They can’t break that deadlock so we get five more seconds and Trent rolls Taylor up for the pin. Then Bryce headscissors Taylor out of the ring.
Final Rating: NR
Yuletide Death Match
Ultramantis Black vs. Nick Gage
Gage is on form here. First falling over a Xmas tree. Then taking his sweet team coming off the top with an armdrag.
It’s left to Ultramantis to save everything with his bumps and I feel very bad for him because he takes everything. The barbwire board. The chairs. The thumbtacks. The board with decorations stuck to it. Everything. He even jobs. Jesus Christ.
Final Rating: **
Despite a little drop off towards the finish this show was one of the best of the weekend and another huge success for Game Changer Wrestling and thinking outside of the box. People come to these things to have fun. They fine-tuned Janela from the bloated thing it was last year and learned those lessons and applied them to this wacky piece of entertainment. Thumbs way up. If you missed this live, watch it back in full.