GCW Presents Joey Janela’s LA Confidential review (11.16.18)

GCW Presents Joey Janela’s LA Confidential review (11.16.18)

Joey Janela’s LA Confidential

 

November 16 2018

 

We’re in Los Angeles, California. Joey Janela may not have made it to his own show, thanks to his knee injuries, but we’re here! Host is Larry Legend and the building is a brick walled comedy club (I assume, it looks like Seinfeld should be performing in it).

 

DJZ vs. The Great Sasuke

JJDJZ

Well fuck me, this is certainly an opener! Sasuke is largely a comedy wrestler nowadays but it’s certainly something seeing him use his jedi powers to throw DJZ across the ring and get the “BUHDUHDUH” soundbite from the actual DJ. Awesome.

Considering that Sasuke is an elderly Japanese politician turned mind-control freak who normally feuds with the Brahmen brothers this is slightly different to his usual match ups. It helps that DJZ is well aware this is a great chance to put himself in the window. The springboard off the DJ booth is a nice touch. Anyway, Sasuke comes up trumps in a ten minute match and gets a nice ovation from the Angelenos. This was certainly a unique contest.

Final Rating: ***1/4

 

Tony Deppen vs. Jungle Boy

Jungle Boy Nate Coy is a local lad and therefore has big support. He also looks like a spare Young Buck with PAC’s old Dragon Gate gimmick. When he starts wrestling I get very into his act though. He’s that little bit different. Everything, from his poses to his handstand flips, feels like it comes from a position outside of normal pro-wrestling. He’s really put a lot of thought into this.  Deppen wrestles heel and it’s a necessity. Jungle Boy is so much more over than him. Deppen does what he needs to though. He takes the spots and makes everything Jungle Boy does look like a million bucks. He’s a safe pair of hands. JB’s inexperience occasionally shows up but Deppen covers for most of it and it’s little things rather than gaping holes in his game. Deppen steals a win with a handful of tights to an angry reaction from the locals! Heat is attainable! I came away from this very impressed with both guys and Jungle Boy’s reaction in losing is beautiful.

JJJungleboy

Watch this young man.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Hardcore Holly vs. Brody King

All hail Joey Janela! The king of wacky matches. Holly is 55 years old and looks hard as ever despite all his fake Samoan tats and advancing years.

JJHolly

King is absolutely covered in tattoos. All of his best matches to date have involved WALTER but I’m sure he’s not alone in that respect. King does something really dumb here. He sets up for a chokeslam and places Holly’s arm in position for the counter. Why? It doesn’t make any sense. King then smacks Holly with a lariat and that’s it. Hmm. I had high hopes for this but Holly is pretty damn old and it showed here. Holly’s post match promo where he says he was bigger in WWE because “I was on the gas back then” is frankly tremendous.

Final Rating: *3/4

 

Human Tornado vs. Penelope Ford

I honestly thought H-Tizzle retired because he stopped appearing everywhere eight years ago. But here we are! I’ve missed him pimp slapping Candice LaRae.

JJFord

Across the ring from him is Penelope Ford, who I’ve been watching for a few years and she’s been better every time I’ve seen her. This isn’t the best of matches to showcase her as Tornado’s sex offender offence is outdated and he struggles to bump the lucha spots. Ford is a mixed bag herself, struggling with one rope based move, drawing a supportive “you fucked up” chant from the assholes in the crowd but looking competent on the mat and taking a sick suplex on the floor. I give Ford all the credit in the world for wanting to take a bunch of unnecessary abuse in the name of intergender but Tornado doesn’t turn up, or couldn’t. He’s a big disappointment.

JJTornado

After an arduous, and uncomfortable, 19 minutes Ford picks up the win by surviving a pimp slap and hitting a DDT for the pin. Yeah, this wasn’t good. Tornado should have played the hits and got out of there.

Final Rating: **

 

D’Lo Brown vs. Ethan Page

D’Lo hasn’t been a thing for some considerable time. Page reminds him of his heyday by saying he’ll “throw his sorry ass out on the street”. You can tell he’s a fan. While Brown is in relatively poor condition he does a good job of working well within his abilities. He leans on Page’s youthful exuberance and his own ability to talk.

Plus Page’s love of the Nation of Domination is present in almost every moment of this match. Despite Brown’s big old beer belly he still moves around the ring like he’s in his prime. He’s not quite as old as the other nostalgia acts on this show. Somehow he’s only 43. So he debuted in WWE at 22? Holy shit, I knew he was young but not that young. Imagine having a great top line career in your chosen profession and peaking before you’re 25. The execution is really good here and they have a tidy back and forth match that feels genuinely important. Page ends up sneaking a win with brass knucks as he couldn’t win clean. “By any means necessary”. This was all very well done.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Kikutaro vs. Takeshi Minamino vs. Delilah Doom vs. Façade vs. Jake Atlas vs. Jimmy Lloyd vs. Chase Owens

Jake Atlas is another new name on me and was added at the last minute. Another California Indie guy. There are a lot of guys involved here and they don’t all have chemistry. Lloyd and Doom is a disaster waiting to happen and it doesn’t take long. The match is better when they stick to comedy. Chase Owens and Kikutaro in particular excelling at that. Chase is the star of the match really. He’s the best comedy guy and he’s the best pure wrestler. So it doesn’t matter which section of the match you’re in, he’s the best part of it. Several guys die on dives. Minamino looks like he takes a header into concrete. Atlas botches a move off the ropes to another “you fucked up” chant from the classless septics in California. The big high spots don’t always click but Façade certainly does some wacky shit. The rope walk missile dropkick to cut off Lloyd in mid run is a beauty. The match is a big old mess though and Lloyd picks up the win by dumping poor Jake Atlas on his dome.

Final Rating: **3/4

 

KTB vs. Jacob Fatu

Kyle the Beast is a weird guy. He’s impressed me a few times but has also fallen short. Fatu throws him around for a laugh. Kyle is a big boy but Fatu has that freaky powerhouse strength that only comes from a life in Samoa. These two give no fucks about the laws of physics or professional wrestling. Fatu’s dives are terrifying. He shouldn’t be able to move like that. He goes for too many different things, like the handspring doesn’t look great, considering how good he is at straight up brawling. They break out a bunch of fucking plunder here including a table that Fatu gets speared through. Fatu overpowers KTB for the win in a rollicking good time sprint. Keeping it under ten minutes and smashing tables for fun. UCE!

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Eli Everfly vs. Marko Stunt

Everfly is absolutely nuts. He reminds me of a young Rey Mysterio Jr when he was eager to showcase himself at the expense of his body. Marko is a newer name on the Indie scene and they’re both really small, which gives them a chance to just bomb around the ring at high speeds.

Marko certainly gets the measure of the crowd support here, which is odd to me because he’s the less showy of the two. As Eli produces one wacky fucking move after another the crowd do slide over to his side and I don’t blame them one bit. Unfortunately they drop a bollock here by going into the crowd where the camera can’t see anything. Chants of “we can’t see shit” aren’t ideal. Anyway, Marko gets hurt out in the crowd and that’s the end of that. The reasoning for awarding the match to Everfly because it was outta control. They should have just said that Marko was hurt. The match was good until the ending, which all stemmed from doing a dumb spot in the crowd that no one could see. And now Marko has a broken leg. This could easily have stolen the show if they’d not run into that injury.

JJEverfly

Final Rating: ***1/4

 

Death Match

Nick Gage vs. David Arquette

This has bad idea written all over it. Arquette has had a handful of matches and is now in at the deep end against one of the most violent men in America. Anyone remember Mass Transit? Anyone?

JJArquette

This is shortly before Arquette takes a massive forearm to the jaw. The Avalon, the original venue, was so scared of Nick Gage they cancelled the booking. After the first few shots Arquette is clearly unsettled and flinching as Gage approaches. Gage is pretty generous and let’s Arquette hit a few moves including a nicely done running rana and a dive to the floor from the top rope. If this was a straight-up match he’d be doing ok. Five minutes in and Arquette is feeling ok and starts attempting stuff that’s WAY beyond him like topes with chairs and slingshot pescados.

After this spot Gage starts battering Arquette with the remains of the table and he’s cowering, well aware he’s about to get fucked up and we’re barely into this match.

JJGagetubes

Oh shit.

 

We then have run ins from Joey Ryan and THE MESSIAH!! But Gage isn’t having any of that shit.

JJrubes

MDK!!! I don’t remember David Arquette having to pick pieces of broken glass out of his head in WCW.

JJtubechair

Arquette hits a Cutter through this and that’s a mistake because he lands neck first on it and ends up pissing blood from that wound.

JJArqs

So naturally Gage goes after him with a fucking pizza cutter! He’s sawing his head open! As Gage jabs him in the face with a broken lighttube, while holding his neck wound shut, Arquette freaks out and shoots on Gage!

There’s a moment there where Arquette is going to just walk out on the match. Then he goes nuts and hits Gage with a chair covered in light tubes.

Arquette ends up just staying down because you can’t carry on with those injuries. “If you don’t want to take shit, don’t come to my fucking world” screams Gage into the microphone after the fact. Honestly this was such an incredible spectacle. I have no idea how to rate it on the conventional scale but it’s ‘must see’.

Final Rating: ****

 

Summary:

As with all Janela booked shows this was a lot of fun. The off-the-wall pairings and nostalgia acts combined well despite a few matches not clicking. The injury to Marko Stunt wrecked what should have been a showstealing match second top but the main event overcompensated. Arquette can say he went and took Gage’s best shots and walked away. He doesn’t need to ever do this again. He’ll have images of himself bleeding profusely to amuse the grandkids with in his old age.

 

 

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