GCW Joey Janela’s Spring Break 3 Part 1 (4.5.19) review

GCW Joey Janela’s Spring Break 3 Part 1 (4.5.19) review

GCW Joey Janela’s Spring Break 3 Part 1

 

April 5 2019

 

Everyone looks drunk. It’s 9.45am here so I’m very early morning sober. I’ve spent the last hour waiting for my daughter to get out of the bathroom. Hosts are Dave Prazak and Kevin Gill. We’re at Eagle Hall in Jersey City. Joey Janela is back baby!

 

Joey Janela vs. Marko Stunt

Janela hasn’t wrestled since his horrific knee injury last September. Stunt hasn’t wrestled since he broke his leg working a Joey show in November.

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Marko looks like a literal child. He’s so tiny. I love the smile on Janela’s face when Marko hits the ring. He’s been down that same road, man. He was on top of his game and on top of the world and he got hurt. I appreciate Janela not going overindulgent like he did last year with a main event that went on for ages. I like Janela in spite of his faults. He’s different.

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Janela pitches Marko out into the crowd and they end up crowd surfing and chopping each other. The inferior upper body strength of the Spring Breakers results in this being a relatively short duel. Do some exercise, drunkards. Considering both of them just came back from serious injuries there are some No Fucks Given dives going on. Marko gets into true danger zone territory by snogging Penelope Ford. That’s almost like kissing Janela and who knows where that guy has been. Marko is so small that Joey can throw him around with ease. The spinning Package Piledriver is terrifying but it looks safe too, if that makes sense. At one point Janela calls for a piledriver off the top rope to the floor and is it crazy that I almost buy them doing it?

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Marko busts his face open on the resultant rana to the apron spot, which looks terrifying. They do all these murderous moves and then Marko catches Janela in a fluke cradle. This was pretty wacky.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

Tony Deppen vs. Dustin Thomas  

Deppen is mad that he got eliminated by Mantaur at the Clusterfuck last year so he calls out any fan who wants to fight him. He picks on a guy in a wheelchair. He’s got no legs! My god.

619! I’m fucking screaming! Deppen gets a pin and he can’t hook the leg because No Legs doesn’t have any.

What! Deppen ends up pinning the guy he dubbed “Lt Dan” (I popped) but what a fucking incredible experience this was.

Final Rating: How do you even?

 

Spring Break Scramble

Jake Atlas vs. A-Kid vs. Australian Suicide vs. Slim J vs. Shane Mercer vs. Jungle Boy

Probably not the ideal environment for A-Kid, who’s a great technician and mat wrestler, but he gives it a shot. Mercer does some great power stuff here. The bit where he presses Jungle Boy and chokeslams people is great. One of them chokeslams himself but that’s besides the point. I’ve seen a few spot heavy matches already this weekend and there’s only so much you can do with one spot after another. I will say that I feel Adam Brooks nailed it on the WrestleCon US vs. World show. If you’re doing spot fests then just do the wildest spots one after another. Fuck it. Why not. Mercer is an ideal guy to mix it up here because his power stuff is a direct contrast to everyone else’s flips. He’s the powerful glue that holds the match together.

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Also he does this, for fuck’s sake and a moonsault fallaway slam. Jungle Boy submits A-Kid for the win. This was wild.

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

GCW Heavyweight Championship

Nick Gage (c) vs. Shinjiro Otani

Why didn’t Otani get booked everywhere this weekend? He’s fucking awesome. Still!

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Otani is so much better than Nick Gage it’s not even funny. I get why Gage is mega over. We’re on the east coast. The audience is drunk and gang affiliated. Gage pulls out a board a few minutes in, which is very disappointing. I just want to see them punch each other for ten minutes until someone gets knocked out. Gage actually hits the boot scrape. On Otani. It’s a crime.

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Obviously he gets a receipt from the master. Gage’s big issue is that everything that excites the crowd about him ceases when he gets in the ring. He’s very character driven. He’s an incredible promo but his in-ring is merely fine. Gage wins here by rolling Otani up with a handful of tights. Huh. One of the biggest disappointments of the weekend. Gage is a coward. He then gets on the microphone and says he wanted Otani as his opponent. Sure had a weird way of showing it.

Final Rating: **1/2

 

Invisible Man vs. Invisible Stan

This is just Bryce Remsberg doing comedy with himself. I like Bryce but this requires a lot of imagination. To be fair he kills it on the ‘near falls’ and reacting to everything.

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The spot off the balcony is incredible. The ref bump is incredible. Credit to Bryce. The table spot is ludicrous in isolation but as an overall arcing comedy bout it worked. Bryce was brilliant.

Final Rating: THE FANS THROW MONEY INTO THE RING

 

Taka Michinoku vs. Orange Cassidy

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Taka isn’t sure what to make of Cassidy. He’s looking around like he’s in this insane asylum and everyone is nuts but him. They even work in Taka’s eye poke spot and he hits Cassidy’s shades and hurts his fingers.

I love that once Cassidy gets fired up here he goes out and has a banger with Taka. I’m sure it’s something he’s wanted to do for a while. It ends fairly quickly with the Michinoku Driver and I’m quite sad they don’t get more time. Which is weird with Spring Break that has historically overran like a motherfucker.

Final Rating: ***1/4

 

Ethan Page vs. A Mystery Opponent

The mystery opponent is “Starman”. He rolls Ethan Page up in a few seconds for the pin. And it’s Virgil.

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Ethan Page is momentarily dejected but then declares he’s going to agent the “greatest Clusterfuck of all time”.

Final Rating: Squash

 

Anything Goes

Jimmy Lloyd vs. Masashi Takeda

Lloyd gets a little bit lost in the early going, having to be reminded of one spot and hauled through another one. Then they just start nailing each other with light tubes.

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This is like two minutes in! Lloyd pissing blood out of his skull. Both guys are covered inside five minutes.

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This is disgusting. In a good way. Jimmy Lloyd bleeding for his art. Takeda is almost as bloody. He pulls out a board covered in scissors. Scissors! At one point Jimmy Lloyd checks to make sure he hasn’t been stabbed through the carotid artery. He legitimately thinks he might be about to die.

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I love that the ring is covered in confetti from pre-match antics and it’s now covered in blood so bits of it are sticking to Takeda. This fucking match. Jesus. Weedeater! Lloyd out of a pin at one! I’m freaking out. This fucking match! Lloyd gets dumped on light tubes neck first and Takeda gets the win in an insane main event. My fucking god.

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Final Rating: ****1/2

 

Summary:

Holy shit, what a fucking show this was. Obviously the Otani match was a disappointment and it took me a while to get over it but the rest of the card was tremendous. A great mixture of stuff. From performance art (hi Bryce) to death matches this show had it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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