Blackcraft Wrestling No Apologies (4.5.19) review

Blackcraft Wrestling No Apologies (4.5.19) review

Blackcraft Wrestling No Apologies

 

April 5 2019

 

I’m not saying this is too much too soon but this is Blackcraft’s fourth show. The third show was co-promoted with DWW in Canada. So here we are at Blackcraft #4; cunningly entitled “No Apologies”, which is about to become a joke of some sorts.

Black1Apologies

For starters the show kicks off massively late. Even the VOD is just guys chattering and that screen as a placeholder for 15 minutes. Keeping in mind this venue (White Eagle Hall) has a curfew and they’ve booked a million fucking things for this show. Hosts here are Kevin Gill and Larry Legend.

 

Promo Time: The Preacher

He opens the show as the camera sways back and forth and he references Gotham City. That’s not a real place dude. He rambles for a while before a plant is dragged away to be sacrificed.

Black1crucifix

“Crucifixion’s a doddle”.

 

After ten minutes of pissing around we’re ready. Due to the urge to do a crucifixion they’ve had to move the cameras around in here and it’s gone from the standard White Eagle Hall setup, which was great, and turned into amateur hour. Hold the fucking camera still you satanic pricks! Is this supposed to be watching wrestling in hell is like?

 

Devil’s Den Match

G-Raver vs. SHLAK

This was supposed to be Raver vs. Jimmy Havoc but Havoc tore his arm open wrestling against Tom Lawlor so we have a sub. G-Raver is legitimately a great death match wrestler. The hard cam for this show moves around so much I’m convinced it’s just some guy on their phone. It’s the worst production quality of the entire weekend. In an attempt to overcome how atrocious this feels. The ropes! I didn’t even notice that the ropes are chains. That’s actually quite the look. To give you an idea of badly organised everything is; G-Raver sticks needles into SHLAK’s face and due to the camera angles you can’t see it at all. The chain ropes are apparently quite hard to stand on. They set up a door on two chairs, in the way that someone who’s never seen one object propped up between two others would do. SHLAK falls on it and that’s it. This was dreadful. Every aspect of this was awful. Production is woeful. The match was poor. SHLAK basically doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Final Rating: *

 

It takes a while to get the shit cleared out of the ring. There’s no hustle at all. They give up and play some VT and that goes on forever. I appreciate the ambition here but the show where they had all the druids go after Justice was embarrassing. There were about 10 people in the building. Back live what the fuck is happening? There are still trainees in the ring cleaning stuff up. It’s been about 7 minutes since the last match ended.

 

Blackcraft Tag Team Championship

oVe (c) vs. The Crown vs. The Butcher & The Blade vs. La Familia de Tijuana vs. The Mane Event

“I know the one fellow”….*checks notes*….”Alexander James”.

Black1Blade

Pepper Parks freaks me out again. The Mane Event is the same basketball looking tag team that was on Drags & Dropkicks. They looked pretty good there but they look horrible here working with the luchadores. Then the match is over. The Mane Event pin Bestia. The champs weren’t even near the ring at the time. What the fuck was this?

Final Rating: DUD

 

Matthew Justice vs. Gangrel

Justice is essentially the main guy for Blackcraft. He won a chalice, or something, but spat in the Preacher’s face and ever since has been engaged in an anti-authority role. That much was clear from the six minute promo tape.

Black1Gangrel

This is at least ok because Justice is a decent pro wrestler and Gangrel doesn’t do anything complicated so they can’t botch. Gangrel hits his finish but Justice rolls out of the ring. He comes back in, Gangrel goes for the Impaler again but Justice counters out and hits his own DDT for the win.

Final Rating: **1/4

 

The Essence (Harlow O’Hara & Vipress) vs. Kimber Lee & Machiko

The Essence are women’s champion Saraya Knight’s lackies.

Black1Machiko

Machiko is supposed to be teaming with Lady Luck but she “couldn’t make it”. So instead she’s teaming with Kimber Lee. Poor Kimber who looked perfect in Chikara as a badass, looks totally out of place here in her happy gear. It’s like someone in 1991 WWF bright colours showing up in the Attitude Era. There’s a lot of effort here and some nasty German suplexes. Kimber, who clearly isn’t scheduled to be a regular, eats a cradle DDT and that’s it. This was fine.

Final Rating: **

 

There’s an hour left on this show and they have seven scheduled matches. SEVEN.

 

Simon Grimm vs. Pentagon Jr

This is potentially a very good match. Grimm is a technical wizard and Penta is a lot of fun. This is really rushed and Grimm finishes with a Gotch Style Piledriver. Penta might have been on nine shows this weekend but some of them have been extremely quick.

Final Rating: **

 

Dick Justice vs. Luchasaurus vs. Matt Cross vs. Mecha Wolf vs. Teddy Hart vs. Rey Fenix

Fenix has developed a new level of not caring for shows this Mania weekend. He’s started to legitimately wrestle in a hoodie because he doesn’t want to leave anything lying around backstage. He probably has his car keys in there somewhere.

Black1Mechawolf

Mecha Wolf is still getting booked. Will wonders never cease. Dick Justice looks like he dropped into this match from a completely different promotion. He’s doing the invisible gun business and everyone else is doing 99mph topes and flips. You can almost hear his thought process. “Why am I in this match?” They fuck around for a while and Teddy beats Mecha Wolf with a Canadian Destroyer off the top. Most of the effort in this came from Mecha Wolf. Will wonders never cease?

Final Rating: **1/2

 

Chris Dickinson vs. Masato Tanaka

I would love to know what Masato Tanaka thinks of this shit show. He probably saw worse in ECW. One bonus of all the matches being rushed is that Tanaka gets 15 minutes. Which leads to a slow paced clubbing contest. Comms talk themselves into a corner talking about dead wrestlers and don’t know what to say about them on a show sponsored by Satan. See what you’ve done Blackcraft? The crowd are absolutely dead. I guess this took place around 2am. I feel bad for Tanaka crashing through a table at 2am for these assholes (the promoters, not the fans). Dickinson decides he wants to have a chair fight and this will involve him taking unprotected chair shots. Tanaka is so surprised at this turn of events that he doesn’t even waffle him the first time! He pulls the shot completely. Dickinson ends up busted open because of that. I love his commitment but honestly it’s 2.15am and this promoter is a dumbass. Just save yourself man. I suppose he’ll probably never get to wrestle Tanaka again so when else does he get the chance to say he took that spot? If that isn’t bad enough Dickinson gets powerbombed through a table and Tanaka can’t see where he’s throwing him so he lands on top of the legs on the side. Superfly Splash gets ONE! Dickinson clearly going all out at this point. Sliding D finally puts him down and this was easily the best thing on the show but the crowd is exhausted.

Black1Tanaka

Final Rating: ***1/2

 

There are 23 minutes left on the show, although much less on the curfew, and there are four matches left including a Battle Royal.

 

Blackcraft Women’s Championship

Saraya Knight (c) vs. Maria Manic

So how to speed this along? I know, a really long aimless crowd brawl. Seven minutes before curfew at this point! Hahaha! Saraya’s lackies come out and brawl with Maria and the ref counts her out. Hahaha. Holy shit.

Black1Saray

Final Rating: -*

 

On comms Larry Legend is called to the back because this show is utterly fucked at this point.

 

Blackcraft Heavyweight Championship

Johnny Blackcraft (c) vs. David Starr

I’m begging Starr to cut a fucking 10 minute promo assailing this joke promotion. The ring announcer races through the introductions because he knows the time is about to expire on the curfew. It’s an incredible performance and I commend him for it. Johnny shoots the half and gets the pin and we’re done here. I am in hysterics. What a joke of a promotion. This is an all time shit show. Four second long main event! The stuff of dreams.

Final Rating: DUD

 

Post Match: The Preacher comes out here to cut a promo that’s drowned out by the crowd chanting “bullshit”. Matthew Justice storms out here and demands a title shot right now. Preacher says this will happen “over my dead body” and Justice slashes his throat!

How was the Blackcraft show Arn? Oh the promoter crucified someone at the top of the show but it’s ok because the main eventer slit his throat. Hell of a finish.

 

Blackcraft Heavyweight Championship

Johnny Blackcraft (c) vs. Matthew Justice

Justice strolls down here, hits his finish and wins in three seconds. The crowd, who turned on this show a while ago, continues to jeer this.

Final Rating: DUD

Black1Justice

 

You’d think we’d be done here right? The promoter is dead, the title has changed hands. Nope, we go ahead and have a battle royal. Curfew is up you idiots!

 

Battle Royal

As this is announced a crowd member screams “fuck you!” THERE ARE 28 GUYS IN THIS. Justin Credible is in this! He was in nothing else all weekend! Someone throws a chair into the ring and nobody sees it coming! Luckily no one gets hurt. Most of the wrestlers just want to get the fuck out of there and go home so they tumble out in record time. Arik Cannon, Casanova Valentine and Anthony Greene among the more well known guys towards the finish. The venue has seen enough of this and turns the lights off. There are people telling the fans to get out. It’s a pure shambles. The battle royal continues! I am fucking howling at this. “Just send it home” says someone. Riley Madison sneaks in, hits a low blow and Zicky Dice wins the Battle Royal. Nobody fucking cares! They claim the sound system has been blown out but the sound system has been turned off. This is hysterical. An all-time great shit show.

Final Rating: DUD

 

Summary:

Maybe they should apologise.

2 Responses to Blackcraft Wrestling No Apologies (4.5.19) review

  1. So General Admission was $30 and it was up in the balcony. I had to figure it out myself cause there was not one person there to help once you got padded down. So i’m upstairs and the only difference balcony price and GA price is for $40 extra you get to sit, one motherfucker paid $75 for reserved seats and was standing right with cause the venue didn’t even do that. I left right before the battle royal started. Will not attend another show of theirs.

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