Bar Wrestling 10: March of the Pigs
March 8 2018
We’re in Baldwin Park, California for Bar’s 10th show. I’ve been really enjoying these laid back two hour jaunts to SoCal. You never know who’ll turn up and what might happen. In a change from the usual there are no former WWE superstars lined up here and EYFBO vs. the Lucha Brothers being the headline act.
Scorpio Sky, B-Boy & Kevin Martenson vs. Eric Watts, Marty Martinez & Matt Cross
Sky and B-Boy have been tearing it up recently. It’s nice to see them in action. Martenson you might know better as Johnny Goodtime from PWG. He also worked Lucha Underground as “Son of Madness”. Across the ring is Eric Watts and no, it’s not *that* Erik Watts, as you might expect from this wacky promotion. This Watts is just as large as the more famous Watts. He’s 6’6” and all muscle. He kinda looks like a really strong basketball player from a video game like Street Fighter. Martenson, billed as “Big Hunky Kev” uses his lumberjack beard as an irritant and even comes off the top rope with that thing. They keep rotating people in the match with the only semblance of theme being a little heat on B-Boy. It keeps the action fresh and allows B-Boy to act as babyface in peril (who loves hitting Cutters). Big Hunky Kev just owns the comeback with big dropkicks and crazy dives. The Bar patrons can barely even avoid his wacky dives. Based on their interaction I’d love to see Watts and Big Hunky Kev back. Kev in particular oozes charisma and has a bunch of cool spots. Marty gets caught celebrating a dropkick for too long and Big Hunky Kev rolls him up for the win! This started all over the place but gradually drew me in and the stretch was badass.
Final Rating: ***1/4
Tyler Bateman vs. Brian Cage
Cage is big but Bateman is actually taller, even though he lacks the density. Bateman gets backdropped and the goddamn ceiling drapery comes down. Goddamn it. Every show. And how was Bateman not going to hit that fucking thing. He’s huge. “That’s what Bar Wrestling is all about. Tearing shit down” – comms. The match is a fine demonstration of Cage’s freakish strength. At one point he just stops, picks Bateman up and starts doing bicep curls with him. It’s a work out baby! There are elements of Big Lads wrestling here only just a touch below the standard of the Atlas division. There’s more cool looking power moves rather than heavy hitting action. The selling is intermittent. Bateman eats the F5 but is back on offence moments later and then they do a double down. That’s not fighting spirit, that’s just bad selling. After they spend a while recovering from that Cage just finishes with the Michinoku Driver. I did enjoy the power vs. power aspect of this match, even if the selling was a bit wonky. Cage is always entertaining. He lives to get his shit in.
Final Rating: ***
The Killer Baes vs. Fire & Nice
The Baes are Laura James and Heather Monroe, who have a rep in Bar from consistently being here. Fire & Nice are Britt Baker and Chelsea Green. The latter better known as Laurel Van Ness but she’s gone back to the Indies and has pink hair now.
Laura James has drawn abs on to mock her more toned opponents.
Heather is not good at wrestling and demonstrates that on the opening exchange where she forgets to bump. Somehow Baker and Laura manage an even worse sequence than that, the old Scurll ‘superkick, just kidding’ spot with no eye cover to set it up and air between the actual strikes. I’d rather you work safe rather than snug when you’re inexperienced but it doesn’t make it look any better. Crazy Chelsea Green has a good showing here. She looks in good condition and in touch with her character. It’s a shame she’s working with the Killer Baes but she does a fine job of selling their stuff. Chelsea turns into Hot Ness
And Britt Baker picks up the win. “Hot Ness” is appropriate because this match was a hot mess. The Killer Baes are a really bad team and a lot of that is on Heather, who’s just not good at wrestling.
Final Rating: *
Hot Young Briley vs. Joey Ryan
“Vince McMahon doesn’t like you” shoots Briley on Ryan. The one homophobe in the front row yelling “you suck dick” at him over and over again is pretty embarrassing.
There are pre-match antics where Briley injures his dick, twice. Both times while baiting the crowd that he might leave and getting Lil Briley caught on the ropes. Briley is Dolph Ziggler’s brother and this the focal point for the abuse he suffers. There’s a lot of dick based comedy, including Briley wobbling around before eventually falling on Joey’s rock hard dong. They should have just had that as a knock out spot. Briley does some Triple H poses, suggesting he’s on his way to NXT. Briley takes the lollipop spot while openly weeping. “I’m sorry, I love you”. Superkick and Briley is off to NXT. Only not. We’ll see how it pans out. This was interesting. Briley trying to sincerely do all the ‘retirement’ stuff when it’s blatantly not happening. He even leaves his boots in the ring.
Final Rating: **1/2
Post Match: Hangman Page shows up to a “holy shit” chant to confront Joey Ryan. I had no idea Hangman Page had actually gotten over.
This is what you get for ignoring everything the Bullet Club do in America. Anyway, Cody and the Bucks turn up too, presumably shooting footage for Being the Elite. The sight of the locals marking out is quite sad. Nice little promotion you had here. Page cutting a promo on Joey’s dick is mildly amusing but it’s been done before (Ellsworth says hi) and why, if you’ve got Cody and Bucks in the ring, is the focus on Page? I guess because he’s coming back and the Elite are just here for giggles. Anyway, Page gets dickflipped.
Killer Kross vs. Willie Mack
Kevin “Killer” Kross is a guy who always most caught on in a few places, including Impact, but it hasn’t happened for him. After a few minutes it’s easy to see why. He’s largely outclassed by the hard to classify Willie Mack. I guess you’d call him a modern-day Junkyard Dog. Just as I type that JYD gets referenced on comms. I swear I got there first! Anyway, Mack is interesting and different. Kross is just a guy. Well built, covered in tattoos. I’ve seen dozens of Kevin Krosses. He’s fine but he really needs something to make him stand out. The match length doesn’t help as they go almost 15 minutes. One of my favourite things about Bar is that they keep shows short and easy to consume. Mack, who I’ve praised for being an individual, promptly spends the match channelling Hulk Hogan and Steve Austin. One of the commentators switches over to a spot-on Steve Austin impression. Kross takes it with a backdrop driver and his performance here was rock solid. The charisma and excitement all came from Mack though. Very decent match up.
Final Rating: **3/4
Taya Valkyrie vs. Tessa Blanchard
This is going on second last and should easily eclipse the other women’s match on this show.
Tessa Blanchard is very good and I can totally understand why Dave Meltzer keeps getting fooled into believing that she’s getting signed to NXT. Even though it’s not happening right now. There are rumours of attitude problems, although that’s more of a backstage issue than an in-ring issue. Rumours have abounded for a few years that she can be difficult. These two easily overcome the low bar of the earlier women’s match and keep going. The speed and intensity of the work is excellent. They are beating the crap out of each other when Luchasaurus appears to convince them to play nice and they both kick his ass. “Life finds a way” is right. I like how they both get fired up and it’s an intense match. The execution isn’t always there but it’s good enough to deserve the semi main spot. They really throw themselves into the big spots and Taya’s huge bump off the reverse Lungblower is ace. Sadly the finish is a ‘curb stomp’, which has very little on it. A disappointing end to a rollicking contest.
Final Rating: ***1/4
EYFBO vs. The Lucha Brothers
I’ve said this many times before but Penta has the best look in professional wrestling. Meanwhile Fenix is exceptional at every aspect of wrestling and every time I see him I’m blown away. The superkicks in this are so crisp and clean that they put the Bucks to shame. EYFBO are not just crash mats for the Lucha boys and they bring it too. The opening few minutes are just insane. Loaded with crazy high spots, done at breakneck pace and it’s almost all tag team moves.
The Lucha Bros vs. EYFBO match from Bar 10 is completely nuts. Loaded with crazy double teams and cool spots.
— Absolute Arnie (@ArnoldFurious) March 25, 2018
After a bunch of crazy shit it breaks down into a goddamn chop war with those big overhand rights. It’s super intense. The match is shaping up to be the best in the history of Bar Wrestling. There are only two major issues. Firstly that the frantic pace burns them out and everyone is looking tired long before the finish and secondly EYFBO can’t quite keep up with the madness and some of their stuff is a little off, making Fenix or Penta look foolish on occasion. The Lucha Bros stuff Ortiz with the Package Piledriver for the win and the match just about manages to finish hot. The insane pacing of this was wonderful. The crowd throw money into the ring after the match, which is a pretty good sign that the match clicked.
Final Rating: ****1/4
Bar Wrestling is always a fun show that’s an easy watch but they managed to cap tonight’s show off with an insane tag match loaded with cool shit. It’s a step up from the norm and if you’ve never seen Bar Wrestling this would be an excellent jumping on point.