ATTACK! Pro Wrestling My Sacrifice
April 2 2017
We’re in Cardiff, Wales at the Walkabout. This was where most of the UK’s hardcore wrestling fans were at ‘Mania weekend (if they weren’t in Orlando). Watching Attack and following it up with ‘Mania on the big screens until 5am. Or whenever sleep claimed them. Some of the braver gentlemen didn’t get a hotel, in order to ensure they stayed awake through the entire of ‘Mania. This show kicks off with an unreal Attack highlights video set to My Sacrifice. Oh it’s so good.
ELIJAH vs. Drew Parker
Parker has run out of ECW gimmicks to do and has a SandDrew re-tread here. ELIJAH is one of Attack’s most serious gimmicks and he’s here to teach Drew Parker the error of his fun-loving ways. The ECW gimmick comes to the forefront with chairs and tables and staples and belts. The latter drawing a “kinky bastard” chant and some no-selling from ECDrew. It’s a fairly violent match to kick the show off. They throw everything out there from kendo sticks to thumbtacks.
Drew takes a horrendous looking bump off the top to the floor, through two tables, which signals a false finish with the referee calling the match for ELIJAH only for Parker to reappear. Drew takes a lot of daft bumps for a young lad. When Drew re-emerges it’s as Sabu! Or Sab-Drew I guess. I like that the match is a little bit sloppy, as a tribute to the two wrestlers Drew Parker cosplayed as. He finishes by spearing ELIJAH through a table. This was a bit of a mess but lots of fun.
Final Rating: **3/4
Flash Morgan Webster vs. Charlie Sterling
Sterling is working heel and he’s got one hell of an attitude on him as a bad guy. It’s surprising considering he has the moveset of a babyface, with lots of flips and such. He seems to love behaving like a dickhead. Flash has been patchy since his return from shoulder surgery. He had a great match with Nathan Cruz for Progress but generally he’s been hit and miss, by his own admission. Missing that much ring time will always cause issues. He shows flashes (heh) of the pre-injury Flash with a slingshot rana to the floor and other such antics.
At one point Charlie stops the match so he can sit cross-legged and drink imaginary tea like a small child. I’m just going to sit here drinking a cup of nothing. La-di-dah. Maybe I should invite all my dollies and we can make imaginary cake too. Banter ensues with the fans. Sterling is a top notch banterer. They eventually get stuck into some legitimately good professional grappling with an assortment of excellent strikes. They also chuck in some flippydoos before Flash gets the Strangler for the submission win. This started off on shaky footing but settled down into a solid contest.
Final Rating: ***1/4
Attack 24/7 Championship
Warren Owen (c) vs. Shay Pursor
Shay enters to Pete Dunne’s theme music, doing all the same taunts. It’s quite beautiful. Warren comes out to Goldberg’s music. “WAAAAAREN. WAAAAAREN”.
Warren hits two spears and it’s TOPS OFF FOR GOLDBERG! Shay catches him in a fluke roll up for the title though. That’s not how I remember that match going down.
Final Rating: ****3/4
Post Match: Shay disparages Sophie, the bastard. There’s a lovely touching moment of Warren bailing out, into the front row to hug his wife. Nixon Newell then shows up. I wonder where she’ll be next year at ‘Mania weekend? “You’ve turned into a right little bastard haven’t you?”
Attack 24/7 Championship
Shay Pursor (c) vs. Nixon Newell
Nixon has no need to do moonsaults to the floor, when she’s on the verge of moving to Florida, but here we are. Nixon gets the fans, including Sophie and Fern to chop Shay. That’s what you get for mouthing off Shay! Shay attempts a reverse rana, which doesn’t go well. Nixon carries on regardless and hits the Destroyer and the Shiniest Wizard for the pin.
Final Rating: We Hate Shay
Two Out of Three Falls
Attack Tag Team Championship
Bowl-a-Rama (c) vs. CCK
Bowl-a-Rama get the big ‘Mania weekend entrance with inflatable bowling pins. Lloyd Katt bowls a strike. Lykos gets pinned in a matter of second for fall one.
It’s a bit of a strange decision to have the faces go up by one fall. What isn’t is building up Lykos’ brainbuster, again. Splits counters it the standard three times here as Lykos’ voice gets higher and higher pitched. CCK double team their way back level.
CCK are very strong at the double teams and seeing as all Brookes teams have this it stands to reason that Chris is a surpreme organiser. He’s also clearly a big wrestling fan and seems to know everyone and watch everything. I appreciate wrestlers that are deeply buried into the scene. Then the absolute unthinkable happens; Lykos hits a brainbuster. Never mind the match being over, Lloyd Katt may be dead. Kid Lykos has attempted that brainbuster thousands of times. I’m legitimately thrilled for him actually hitting it for once. It’s like when Ric Flair once hit a double axe handle off the top. I am shook.
Final Rating: ***1/2
The Brothers of Obstruction vs. Bird & Boar
The Hunters, I mean the Brothers of Construction, turned heel and are now the Brothers of Obstruction. So now Bird & Boar are faces. It’s a world gone mad. Dogs and cats living together. The set up seems so weird to me that I struggle to get into the match. It seems so wrong that my brain can’t process it. Everything is backwards. Bizarroworld hurts. It’s a perfectly fine match with fun spots and lots of action. The faces are on the verge of victory when Shay develops a bit of an iffy shoulder so Bird stamps his hand into the mat for the three count. That was cute. I thought Bird & Boar were such a note perfect heel team that I’m having a very hard time with the face turn. It took me out of this match completely, to my surprise.
Final Rating: **1/2
Dan Moloney vs. Danny Jones
Danny Jones has gone full Balor. You never go Full Balor. Due to his ever changing persona it’s tough to get a handle on Danny Jones. He’s like a chameleon, capable of slotting into wherever is required. In the battle of the Dan’s he finds it tough going because Moloney has come on a tonne in the last year. He’s spent most of his Attack run hidden under a mask so this is a rare chance for the Attack fans to yell “DAN” a lot. They take it and Moloney looks like one of the most accomplished wrestlers on the show without much effort. It helps that he spends so much time in Fight Club Pro where he’s getting to wrestle against the best in the world and hone his craft. Jones takes it with a version of the GTS. This was perfectly fine but Jones isn’t on Moloney’s level and that disparity caused a few issues down the stretch. Jones fits into Attack’s line-up but I don’t think he’s ready to step up and try to have top tier matches just yet.
Final Rating: **1/2
Chief Deputy Dunne (c) vs. Eddie Dennis
Dunne captured the strap at Gorilla Pressed and Deep in Conversation in February. He’s only the second Attack champion and the other is Eddie, getting his rematch here.
As the bell rings there is thirty minutes left on the show. Which means we’re having an Epic Eddie Main Event. Eddie has it won in a matter of seconds but Shay refuses to count the pin. Damian gets very into his Anti-Fun gimmick to the point where he’s borderline upset at people chanting “that was fun” after one of his dives. These two lads have some seriously dangerous ideas about what a main event involves. One of these ideas is ‘one of them is going off the balcony’. Specifically, Damian. Specifically, via crucifix bomb! With early shenanigans put to bed they go about constructing a solid main event bout. It has strike duels, near falls and a sense of importance to it. Which is what you want, ideally, from a main event and title matches in general. They probably take it too far with a Next Stop Driver off the top, which the referee counts three for only to be pulled out of the ring by Anti-Fun Police goons. The antics taking over is of detriment to the match quality but a positive boon to the storyline. It helps with the sense of epic. They probably run referee bumps for too long and draw out what should be filler sequences in between the actual wrestling. It comes to a head with Damian hitting his finish and Eddie kicking out at one. Damian uses the existing damage to hit the Execution DDT to retain. This was the best match on the card. Great effort from both guys, although the structuring didn’t always work for me.
Final Rating: ***3/4
Post Match: Love Making Demon comes out to Steve Austin’s ‘glass breaking’ music to a big pop. He gets beaten up, because it’s Love Making Demon, but it got a nice reaction. Flash Morgan Webster comes out for the real save only to hug it out with Damian! What the hell? Nope, it’s a ruse. Flash forces Dunne to tap out, thus setting up the next title match.
Attack shows are really easy to watch. Everything is entertaining and the show is usually different to anything else in wrestling in the UK. This show wasn’t littered with snowflakes but it was easy to sit through, which is a positive compared to some long-winded promotions. Two hours and out is fine by me.