AAA Guerra de Titanes
January 26 2018
Aired on Twitch TV.
We’re in Ciudad de Mexico at the Gimnasio Olimpico Juan de la Barrera.
As I’m sure you’re aware I’m not very familiar with lucha. Anyone who read my clueless CMLL review can attest to that. I’m a trier though so I’m back for a second bite. This time with their big lucha-libre rivals AAA. My first issue here is that the house mic’s are really, really fucking loud and the music is really, really quiet by comparison.
AAA Cruiserweight Championship
Lanzeloth (c) vs. Australian Suicide
Aussie Suicide is a chap called Ryan who moved to Mexico and has been with AAA for 6 years. Lanzeloth is 22 and his uncle is Super Crazy.
The first thing of note regarding AAA is the six-sided ring. It always struck me as an intriguing concept. I remember first seeing it using in Toryumon and it was mind-blowing. Especially as I wasn’t quite so well travelled at that point. Aussie Suicide wrestles in a shirt and tie, which is weird to me. Especially as he doesn’t have a lawyer gimmick or works for a government agency.
Suicide hits a piledriver on the apron, which is death in Mexico. Personally I’d like to see that move preserved as a killer south of the border. Instead Lanzeloth is rolled back in and the count only gets two. Poor form. A piledriver in Mexico used to mean certain death. Stretcher job, career at risk. And this one was on the apron, the hardest part of the ring. They do some nice striking in this, duelling high kicks a real highlight. It becomes a heated back and forth with both guys scoring dramatic near falls. The odd spot is poorly executed but on the whole it’s a thrill ride, which is exactly what you want from an opener.
— Arn~! (@ArnoldFurious) January 31, 2018
Right after this Suicide goes for a massive flippydo off the top, which is ridiculous and misses. Lanzeloth responds by going to his blood and lifting the moonsault trifecta from Super Crazy. Suicide’s response is to turn Lanzeloth’s mask around so he can’t see and pin him. Oh, it’s only one fall! New champion. This was really good. Why does this show have a bad rap?
Final Rating: ***3/4
AAA Reina de Reinas Championship
Lady Shani (c) vs. Faby Apache
Lady Shani is also know as “Sexy Lady”. She looks like she’s on her way to assassinate a member of the royal family. Faby Apache I’ve seen wrestle before. She’s fine. Shani is slightly more dynamic. Faby gets pissed off pretty quickly and starts stomping Shani in the head. Damn, the Mexican ladies work stiff as fuck. The match does have the odd moment of awfulness. Like Shani not getting her hands up at all when taking a spot. Running into it with both arms at her sides like a chump. This match is a load of fun though. The spots are so sharp, for the most part. The kicks and suplexes are so slick. The powerbomb in this is fucking awesome. The noise it makes is great. Faby kicks Shani’s ass all over the ring until a German suplex puts her down and we have a second title change.
Final Rating: ***1/2
La Parka & La Secta (Cuervo & Escoria) vs. Los Totalmente Traidores (Murder Clown, Monster Clown & Dave the Clown)
They show a video package for this and three fuckwits behind the announce booth talk over it. How fucking dumb do you have to be to talk over a video package? Just shut the fuck up. This isn’t the same La Parka that you probably know. He left and AAA own the gimmick.
This starts as a big old brawl in the back because them clowns are assholes. The clowns put two of the lads through a table and proceed to destroy La Parka, tearing his mask and cutting open his forehead. The sadistic nature of the clowns mean they blow a chance to easily win the match, with Parka on his own and waste a bunch of time before the faces make an inevitable comeback. By which point Parka, now a bloody mess, is keen on revenge. There are botches and Murder Clown leans into one kick on the outside for no reason at all. It’s a mess. La Parka is late breaking a fall and has to tap the ref on the shoulder instead. Equally Dave is late breaking a fall and the ref has to stop counting. It’s such a fucking mess. Dave forgets to elbow Parka as he’s running past him and that falls apart too. More irritating, for me anyway, is the inability of the cameraman to hold a fucking camera still. The shots are constantly moving. It’s so bad. I have no hope of getting a decent screencap. Parka gets the pin after Monster Clown goes through a table. I could have lived without having to sit through this.
Final Rating: *
Sidenote: my frustrations with the camera moves are typified by the shot of the victors getting their hands raised. The cameraman zooms in too fast, has to pan left, then right, then left again because he overpans. Then he zooms out a bit, realising his initial mistake but the wrestlers move so he has to move left again, then right, then left again and by then they’ve stopped posing for the shot. For fuck’s sake lad. Just hold the cunting thing still. It’s not rocket science.
AAA World Trios Championship
Los OGTs (Averno, Chessman & Superfly) (c) vs. Aero Star, Drago & Raptor vs. Nuevo Poder del Norte (Carta Brava Jr, Mocho Cota Jr & Tito Santana) vs. Angelikal, Bengala & Masacara de Bronce
This is going to be a mess. I have no shot at covering it. Tito Santana isn’t the actual Tito Santana by the way. Just in case you were wondering.
The action comes thick and fast. Lots of big dives and top rope moves. Plus triple man teaming. There are definitely issues with so many guys running around. Aero Star badly mistimes a couple of spots, which is most unlike him.
Bad day at the office for Aero Star pic.twitter.com/VrIEf1XyIZ
— Arn~! (@ArnoldFurious) February 1, 2018
Angelikal gets his mask absolutely shredded by Los OGT’s but promptly scores a fluke roll up to eliminate the champions! We’re down to three teams and more flips occur! Aero Star’s trust fall in particular is terrifying. Drago also gets his mask shredded. I was under the impression tearing someone’s mask off was basically a DQ but nobody seems to give a shit in this crazy match. Nuevo Poder del Norte pile on Raptor and Drago can’t save because he’s too busy covering his beautiful face. Bengala has his mask pulled off completely and it’s stashed in one of the heels trousers. Bronce gets his mask ripped too and now it’s getting irritating how samey the offensive tactics of Nuevo Poder del Norte are. Hey, let’s go and rip everyone’s mask up. Those things cost money you fucks.
. @BronceMascara takes a trip into the front row.
Love the intrepid ringside reviewer who's too busy making notes and gets wiped out. pic.twitter.com/0MJalGvTrj
— Arn~! (@ArnoldFurious) February 1, 2018
Camera almost missed @BengalaAAA moonsault off the balcony!
That was quite high. pic.twitter.com/dKpxY1IkX7
— Arn~! (@ArnoldFurious) February 1, 2018
So after those two massive dives you’d think the masked trio would have it wrapped up? Wrong. Bengala gets punched in the mouth and the belts transition from one heel faction to another. Nuevo Poder del Norte claim the straps and Los OGT’s run out to attack them. All the fun parts of this match involved the two masked teams but the booking hardly involved them at all.
Final Rating: ***1/2
Bull Terrier Match
Rey Escorpion vs. Psycho Clown
A Bull Terrier match is a strap/chain match. Frankly 95% of all strap matches suck so my hopes are not high for this.
They wrestle for a bit without the chain, with the referee walking around with the chain looking awkward. Then naturally it gets attached to the babyface Psycho Clown while Rey walks around unattached being a prick. If you like brawling around ringside this is the match for you. Escorpion draws a lot of heat and the fans do genuinely hate him. If Psycho Clown was smart he’d just run around collecting buckles because Rey isn’t even attached to the chain so he can’t stop him. Eventually all the referees run out here and hold Rey in place so they can attach the Bull Terrier collar. The chain is way too long and either man can reach all the buckles without the opponent moving. It does give Psycho Clown enough space to hit a couple of ill-advised topes and a dive off the lighting rig. Quite why Rey didn’t just pull the chain to stop him is anyone’s guess. Rey blades to give the baying crowd what they want. The blood of the former CMLL performer smeared across the AAA canvas. The blood and the crazy dives adds to what had been a mediocre outing. There is a clever note here; the chains are padlocked on so neither man can take them off mid-match. I’ve not seen that before. Although it might just be because I don’t watch much lucha. Monster and Murder Clown run in and the ref calls Psycho Clown the winner via DQ. DQ? In a chain match? Get fucked.
Post Match: Two mystery masked men run the rudos off and it’s Maximo! He’s Psycho Clown’s brother, fired last year by CMLL. The other guy is La Mascara, Psycho Clown’s cousin. It’s a big family and blood is thicker than water.
Final Rating: *1/2
AAA World Heavyweight Championship
Johnny Mundo (c) vs. Dr Wagner Jr
Wagner coming out to “Bad Medicine” by Bon Jovi is totally my shit. “Is there a doctor in the house?” asks commentary. Johnny comes out to “Born in the USA”, which shows no one listens to the lyrics of that song. The referee is Vampiro, which means we’ll get shenanigans.
At least Vampiro knows how to stand still in one place for more than a second.
I am a big fan of the ‘photo op’ line up with the belt. That’s cool. Dr Wagner Jr appears to have been rebranded as “Rey Wagner” at some point. According to Wikipedia that was last year, when he lost his mask. Now I think about it; I remember photos of him on the timeline looking all suave and middle-aged. Mundo plays a coward heel here, which doesn’t fit the situation he’s in. He’s a much younger, healthier man than Wagner. Both men have seconds at ringside. Mundo assisted by rudo Hernandez. You might know him as “Hotstuff” Hernandez. He wrestled for TNA for 7-8 years. Wagner is seconded by his son El Hijo del Dr Wagner Jr. I don’t know what Vampiro is supposed to be doing because he barely pays attention and screws up counts for both men. His positioning is inept and while I understand that’s par for the course with some Mexican officials you’d think a former wrestler would be better at it. It’s so distracting I find myself watching Vampiro rather than the action, which is not ideal. The camera spends a lot of time focusing on him too so it’s not just me.
Part way through Wagner’s son runs in and chair shots Vampiro while Wagner has the cover and then tosses the chair to Hernandez. As if he won’t ever see the tape of this match. Then Mundo lays out Vampiro despite having the match won. It’s another booking mess. An ongoing theme with this promotion I suspect. Wagner Jr is still playing cheerleader at ringside but then he hops in and bashes his old man with a chair to the head. I would show you a screenshot of all the rudos heeling it up but the AAA cameramen can’t hold the fucking cameras still so that’s not happening. Wagner blades and the referee, who’s replaced the fallen Vampiro, decides to allow a 3 on 1 beatdown. Vampiro then cleans all the heels out because OF COURSE HE FUCKING DOES. Nothing says world champion like a guy who gets beaten up by a retired fat guy. Wagner gets thrown on top for the pin and wins the title in an utter load of horseshit. This is a virtual shoo-in for worst match of the year. If another promotion books something worse than this I will be shocked.
Final Rating: -***
AAA Latin American Championship
El Hijo del Fantasma (c) vs. El Texano Jr
So AAA wouldn’t dare throw out some screwy booking in a cage match would they? When it’s the main event? No? These are both second generation lads, as you can tell from the names and are both 33. The title they’re battling over has been in existence for 7 years. Fantasma is the eighth champion. He also works for Impact, showing how all things are connected. I wouldn’t be surprised if some AAA guys started showing up in NOAH. Get that alliance going. We get more mask ripping here, which is starting to get very tired because of the sheer number of masks ripped in the tag but it’s a necessity. They need to expose flesh so Fantasma can blade. Otherwise, he can’t get at his skin and no one would see it anyway. Texano follows suit with a really obvious on camera bladejob. You’d think the production guys would be told to not to watch while people blade but here we are. The cage staple of bleeding heavily is completed. Shenanigans occur with Bengala and Vampiro strolls down, along with a man in a lab coat. Hey, they just stroll on into the ring. There’s a match going on here cunts! A DQ is declared and that’s it. For what? It’s a fucking cage match! Everyone brawls around ringside while “Welcome to the Jungle” plays and the fat fuck Vampiro stands in the ring while garbage rains down on everyone involved. What an absolute fucking disgrace to professional wrestling this was.
Final Rating: -**
AAA are the car crash I have been missing in my wrestling life for many, many years. It’s WCW. The booking is terrible. The old farts are all on top. The actual good matches are at the front of the show between people who actually care. Who books DQ’s in a strap match, and a cage match, on the same night? Even by WCW’s lofty standards of bullshit that’s pretty astounding. This might be the worst pro-wrestling on the planet right now and I fucking love it. There’s nothing more satisfying than bad wrestling.