GOOD Wrestling 4: Back for Good
July 15 2017
We’re in Milton Keynes for GOOD Wrestling’s fourth show. It’s available on Vimeo here:
Beano vs. Hustle Malone vs. Jayde vs. Fowler vs. Ashley Dunn
This opening match excites me greatly as it’s introducing me to a few new names. Hustle Malone is new on me. As is Fowler and Jayde. Beano wants to know “what you sayin?” I have no idea. It’s a youth thing. Beano banters away with the fans while undressing to establish himself as the main babyface. Malone grabs the microphone to point out has a problem with “this cunt” and aims it at Dunn. What follows is a profane tirade, calling the match an “orgy” and Dunn a “low polygon version of Will Ospreay”. …”and your dog is fat as fuck”. The lights go out and Malone gets rolled up in the dark for the first elimination.
It’s very dark in the venue, giving it a Lucha Underground kinda vibe. Well, a Milton Keynes Underground kinda vibe. Beano and Dunn play face with Fowler being the biggest dickhead in the match. Between Dunn and Jayde there are some excellent slaps in the match. The crux of the match is Fowler being a dick and taking his time about it. Despite this he’s not involved in the finish, dumped by an Ashley Dunn Shining wizard. Instead it’s Dunn vs. Beano and the match speeds up rapidly! Dunn puts Beano away quickly to win. This was an odd contest. At times too slow, at others too fast with lots of inexperienced talent getting a showcase in an “orgy”. Malone will remain with me because his promo was so good. Dunn I already knew about. He’s developing nicely.
Final Rating: **1/4
Ryan Smile vs. Mike Bird
— GOOD Wrestling (@GOODWrestlingUK) July 19, 2017
Mike Bird does not agree with Sophie Owen’s takes. The banter here is so intense that both guys visibly chuckle during the skirmishes. The brawl continues outside:
— LARIATOOOO!!! (@MrLARIATO) July 21, 2017
This had me in bits. They actually brawled down a road with real cars on it. The ref yells “get back in the ring” at Mike Bird and he responds with “you get back in the ring”. It has me chuckling away to myself and I have to pause the match to recover. Bird, in his infinite wisdom throws a fan at Smile, knocking him over, while yelling “have a small person”. I’ve not seen many matches in car parks but this is certainly one of them. They take instruction from the fans circling the ‘arena’, who encourage Ryan to throw Bird into a bin.
The ref, who’s having a bad day, gets chucked into the bin. Bird then nicks a drink; “want some?” “Nah, I’m straightedge” – Smile. As Ryan gets suplexed onto a beer garden bench Bird points out “you don’t get this at WrestleMania” before bemoaning the slow ten count. This is going on my MOTY ballot. If there’s a match to break Dave Meltzer’s ***** scale it’s this one not Okada-Omega. When they eventually get into the ring Bird promises the crowd their moneys worth and they hit a bunch of high spots including Bird no selling the Canadian Destroyer and yelling “Jackie Chan motherfucker”. This leads to a piledriver and Bird getting the pin. I have been watching wrestling for thirty years and this is one of the most creative matches I’ve seen in that time. It’s a match that dared to cross any and all boundaries that normal wrestling belongs within. Bird emphasises this by hitting a few piledrivers on the referee after the bell.
Final Rating: ****
Chris Brookes vs. Mark Davis vs. Kyle Fletcher vs. Wild Boar
Look at this match! It’s immediately overshadowed with fans getting bent out of shape at the state of Graham the referee.
Sort yourself out Graham! Brookes, Fletcher and Davis don’t let Boar take part because he’s too small. “Just three tall lads having a triple threat”. Boar’s subsequent destruction of all three is a thing of beauty.
As is the mess of group submissions and super dives after that. It’s a really fun match featuring four guys who love wrestling. I don’t know how they get away with doing a Tower of Doom in a building with a ceiling that low but it happened and no lights died in the process. I love all these guys and they get very creative in a multi-man setting. Especially Davis & Fletcher, who are best friends. Davis at one point manages to powerbomb Boar onto Fletcher with one arm, while holding Fletcher’s leg in place with his free arm. Boar fills in as the other half of CCK on the standard Brookes double teams. The match is both innovative and violent, in equal measure, with everyone throwing themselves into their work. Brookes gets the pin on Fletcher but anyone could have won and I’d have been fine with it. Great work all round. Blinding four-way.
Final Rating: ***3/4
Big Grizzly vs. Gene Munny
Gene Munny’s appearance is a throwback. I feel like he dropped out of World of Sport, circa 1984.
He’s been “taking names…and giving them back because they’re shit names anyway”. Gene Munny debuts GOOD’s first championship; “The Gene Munny certificate of excellence”.
Munny has Hustle Malone in his corner and they’re both tremendous on the microphone. The whole ‘Gene Munny song’ bit was amazing. Big Griz has a sizeable weight advantage. He is a big lad. Munny puts the Munny Certificate of Excellence on the line here. Griz starts out with some chops. “Aaaargh my tits!” Promotions where people just piss about are my absolute favourites. Munny continues with “that’s my favourite fucking spine” when his back is assaulted. Munny’s offence is less intense, although he forces Griz to eat one of his bogies. I feel like I’m portraying Munny in a negative light but he’s a decent wrestler and he’s got a killer personality. Grizzly has tremendous power offence and a slim sense of self preservation, which at one point sees him hit a dive off the apron that nearly ends in disaster. He hits hard too so what should be a harmless comedy match ends up a mixture of chuckles and strong style. Grizzly kicks out of the Ainsley Lariat at one, which horrifies Munny. This match is legitimately good. I started off liking it because it was dumb but the work has won me over on top of that. Munny pulls the Eddie Guerrero with the certificate, before going low and hitting another Ainsley Lariat for the pin.
Final Rating: ***1/2
Post Match: CCK run Gene and Malone off. Kid Lykos came all this way for a run in? Ashley Dunn runs in to flatten Lykos and that’s a match that’s happening now.
Ashley “Low Polygon Version of Will Ospreay” Dunn vs. Kid Lykos
Despite being cheered wildly just moments ago Lykos is treated like the dirty wolf he is here. He seems to have ill fitting ring gear but it’s just his normal stuff so that’s confusing. There is heavy banter from the audience, who are convinced Lykos has rabies. “SHUT UP LYKOS!” “BRAIIINNNBUSSSTAAAAAAH!” When that doesn’t work he borrows the referee for a failed CCK double team. The result looks like a car crash in an anime. There were fluffy animals with X’s for eyes everywhere. These two being quite small do a lot of flying stuff, utilising the ropes to good effect. The ring is perhaps a little too small for some of their more ambitious stuff. Lykos, bastard that he is, positions the ref for a low blow and finishes with a running punt to the chops. This was fun although more along the lines of something you’d see on a show anywhere. What I’ve loved about this GOOD show has been the different atmosphere and such.
Final Rating: ***1/4
The Dazzler Team vs. Jack Sexsmith & Mystery Partner
Congratulations to the fan who yells “there are other ways Jack” when Sexsmith pulls out Mr Cocko. Jack’s partner is running late so he starts at a man disadvantage as he’s used to being two on one on a Saturday night. This allows Jack to draw enormous sympathy. His partner, when he eventually arrives, is The Love Making Demon!
Massive amounts of sexiness follow to George Michael’s “I’m Never Gonna Dance Again”. There are a few issues that follow, including Daryl asking Demon where his wrestlers licence is. Earl bullying Jack is my favourite part of the match. EBJ is really good at being the veteran who dislikes youthful exuberance and different things. Meanwhile Sexsmith has such great sympathy, which has nothing to do with his fabled sexuality. He’s just a lovely guy and seeing him get beaten up makes me sad. The Dazzler Team run heat on Love Making Demon because the story is about Sexsmith getting revenge so he can’t really hot tag to someone else. He needs to get the hot tag and he does, after a big sexy pile up of everyone else and the referee. The refs in this company are certainly ‘hands on’. There is a degree of sloppiness here, mainly stemming from Daryl and LMD’s interactions as they struggle to get on the same page. The faces get revenge with stereo Cocko Crossfaces and both Dazzlers tap out.
Final Rating: ***
I’d like to thank GOOD Wrestling for a thoroughly entertaining evening of wrestling. I have gained an appreciation for a host of new talents, especially Gene Munny, and seen some old favourites in a new setting. Congratulations to them East boys on a job well done.